The FAILure in Me

"You can't do it so you might as well give up!" In elementary school, I had no idea that the damage that those words caused would affect me for the rest of my life.  It had been a teacher, that I looked up to, that had said those dream-crushing words.  I had wanted, so badly to learn how to play the flute. I dreamed about someday playing for an auditorium full of people. I practiced many hours with little instruction, and then one day, at my piano lesson, I played for my music teacher, and with a swift hand and hateful lips, he grabbed the flute from out of my hands and said the words that would forever poison my ambition.

Nearly two decades have passed and the pain of those words still haunt me.  I have never wanted anything more than to feel like I have succeeded in something.  But, even when I do things right, I let those words crush me over and over again.  Why do I do that?  Why do I let his words degrade the woman that God created me to be.  When God tells me I can, Mr. Pettit tells me I can't all over again.  I don't see myself as an able person. I am not capable of creating my own ideas.  I am forever plagued by "I can't do it."  I feel like an inadequate
teacher, mother, wife.  My fear of failure prevents me from taking chances, making decisions, stepping out of the comfort of my little bubble.

I want to be free of those chains that hold me down.  I want to see myself as adequate.  I want, no, need to believe in myself again. I want to view myself the way that God sees me.